you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
