Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
