She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
