put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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