I can tuck mytits in my pants
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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