I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
