OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize