So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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