OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
