I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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