I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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