Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
