that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My penis needs a shock collar
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
