My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
