I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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