Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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