I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
