I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I looked at my own cervix.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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