he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This is my gift to your gina
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
