i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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