Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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