I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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