u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
