that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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