Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
