you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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