don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
