the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
