I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
