i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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