I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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