I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
