I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
