this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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