I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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