We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
