This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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