I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
