it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
