Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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