Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
