Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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