Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
