I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
