My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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