Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
birth control should be required to get into college
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
