She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just gargled with NyQuil
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
