Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
