went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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