He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
