the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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