Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
