I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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