News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
