I bet he comes in French.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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