Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
