I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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