I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
