sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
