ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
