I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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