I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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