I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
