i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
