After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
