Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
